the middle thing

How do I hate Walmart? Let me count the ways.

2009-12-20T07:12:05Z

This was going to be short, but it turned into a big dump of all the things I hate about my job right now. I think I'll put it behind a cut to spare you all. But if you stick it through to my footnote at the end, you'll be rewarded with a big basket of WTF that I just recalled from my training. So, there's that.

Thing #1: They've set up a perfume table next two Jewelry for the holiday season. All day long, somebody is standing there squirting perfume onto little pieces of paper for passers-by. My doctor tells me I don't actually have asthma (which we thought I did for pretty much my whole life), but damn, my lungs are still awfully sensitive.

I was called over once or twice to relieve the guy working the table so he could take breaks. I went, because I thought I could handle it. Turns out I SO can't. By the time I was done, my lungs felt like I'd scoured them with bleach. And once they stopped hurting, I was met by the mother of all headaches.

Seriously, you guys, I'm so glad I'm not someone who gets migraines, because two hours of this headache was enough pain for me for a long time. I finally managed to knock it out with a cup of bad breakroom coffee and two ibuprofen. And, weirdly, once the pain was gone, my mood suddenly got really good. I know that pain can make you grumpy (and it did!), but it's kind of weird and cool that taking away the pain made me considerably more cheerful than if I'd just gone all night with no headache at all.

Thing #2: Meanwhile, work itself is one huge metaphorical headache. Remember when I was hired, how I was like, "Well, the job sucks, but at least my coworkers are cool." Since then, three of my four coworkers have quit, including two superiors, and have been replaced by significantly less cool people. In particular, the newest edition to the Jewelry Dept. is a new 'coordinator', which is a step below a supervisor, but still puts her in a position of authority.

The problem? She knows absolutely nothing about the department, but she is very, very determined to assert her authority in this situation. So, she'll leave notes telling us to do very basic things that we'd be doing anyway, but not bother to point out more important, irregular things that also need to be done. Or she'll tell us to do something that goes absolutely against established protocol, because she's the coordinator.

So, my days lately have been spent trying to train her in the ways of the department without making her feel threatened. It sucks. (I'm at the very, very bottom of the pay scale. I should not be having to train someone who makes more money than I do.)

Things seem to be getting a little better, though--she seems to have decided to listen to me when I tell her how we do things. I think now that we've had a few conversations, maybe I have her a little intimidated. (Actual quote from a break room conversation: "So, I guess you're really smart, huh?" Not sure how you answer a question like that, when the true answer is, "Yeah, probably smarter than almost anybody else working here." I just shrugged and said, "I guess.")

However, this has led to the realization that in the future, I'll do best in a job where I can be my own boss (or even just The Boss). It's not that I have a problem with authority--I just have a problem with incompetent authority. I'm not going to show you respect just because you rank higher than I do on some meaningless, arbitrary scale.* Perhaps this is a conclusion I could have drawn last year during my conflict with the Supervisor From Hell at the ARC, but it kind of takes two incidents for me to notice the pattern.

Thing #3: Apparently, there's been a change in dress code and my very unassuming purple sweater is not something I'll be allowed to wear at work anymore. It's "Walmart blue" or nothing. I'm a little bit tempted to keep wearing it just to see if it's possible to get fired from Walmart for wearing a purple sweater, but I'm pretty sure I'm not assertive enough to do that.

(If I thought it could get Walmart some negative press, I'd do it, but if Walmart didn't get negative press for brutalizing a 15 year old girl or traumatizing and banning a gay family for life because they DIDN'T shoplift, I'm pretty sure no one will care about my sweater.)

I know this much, though: there is no WAY I'm going to bother buying a navy blue jacket just for work. I've spent enough money already putting together a wardrobe for this stupid job.

Thing #4: On top of all that, between Walmart, my newspaper job, and a brief babysitting gig, I will be going eighteen (18) days without a day off. The main reason for this is that Walmart has been giving me a bunch of 4.5 hour shifts, instead of the usual 8 hours, which means that even though I'm part time, I'm still working there five or six days a week. (I know you figure this stuff by hours, not days, but even if I'm just working 4.5 hours, I still have to plan my whole day around that, AND I spend twice as much on gas to make the same amount of money.)

Since I'm part time, they aren't supposed to make me work more than four days at once without paying me overtime, but as with most Walmart policies, there's a loophole that lets them do it: if there's a break in the work week (week ends Friday and begins on Saturday), then it doesn't count as "in a row". So, theoretically, they could have me work eight days in a row without paying me overtime. Of course, it's a moot point, since I always have Tuesdays off for my newspaper job. As far as Walmart is concerned, that's a day off (and it's not their business whether I choose to work on my day off). It still sucks, though.

My next day off is Christmas. So, it's entirely possible that the reason I'm so pissy is that I haven't had any time to myself, and working retail during the holidays is stressful enough without having a day here or there to rest and recuperate. However, the week following Christmas, I have three days off in a row, including New Year's Eve and New Years (yay!). Even that is a mixed blessing, though, because I'm looking at 24 hours of work instead of my usual 32. That's a pretty significant difference in what's already been a bad month (because of those sick days I took earlier). So . . . yeah, even the bright spots in my schedule have icky black undersides.

. . . okay. I think I got it all out. Time to go to bed so that I can get up tomorrow and deal with all the shit (including the perfume table) all over again.

I know this is all temporary, but it's still really depressing.

* Speaking of respect for arbitrary authority, though, it reminds me of something horrible from my training. I had to take this training module on "Listening to Others"--specifically, judging when it's worth your time to pay attention, and when you should try to get out of the conversation or tune out because the conversation is a waste of your valuable work time, and heaven knows you shouldn't be wasting company time on meaningless chatter.

Apart from the truly bogus nature of the subject matter, there was this gem. During the quiz at the end of the module, it presented me with a situation: Your boss comes up to you while you're working and begins to talk about his plans for the weekend (maybe they involved golf--that's what bosses do, right, golf?). Do you A) Listen patiently and attentively, or B) Excuse yourself from the conversation because you really have a lot to get done today.

If you answered B, you are a big fat WRONGETY WRONG PANTS. The correct answer is A! Why? Because he's your boss, and telling him he's a giant bore would probably be a bad career move.

I mean, I know that this is sort of an unspoken truth of the workplace--when the boss tells a joke, you laugh--but the fact that they incorporated this protocol into their employee training is beyond crazy. That's right, guys: the training TOLD me I should suck up to my boss. (To be fair: It wasn't Walmart specific training. It was supplementary training created by a third party to train employees of various companies how to be better workers. They call it "Focus on Friendly", and yes, the entire series is as asinine as this anecdote suggests.)

Because why should Twitter have all the fun?

2009-12-19T02:02:32Z

I was watching Lost on Netflix, and Locke got a blast door dropped on his leg, and at that PRECISE SECOND, I got an incredibly painful Charley horse in my right calf. So, he's screaming in pain, and I'm screaming in pain*, and it's all really surreal. I mean, my calves have been tight and twingey for days, but I have to wonder if there isn't some psychological component there.

I swore a lot more than he did, though, because I don't live on network television.

* I don't know if other people get them the same way I do, but for me a Charley horse is basically ten or fifteen seconds of utterly excruciating and immobilizing pain that basically comes out of nowhere, followed by minor soreness. I can literally do nothing but writhe and swear. They happened a lot when I was in college, but this is the first time it's happened since I graduated. I had a very hectic/stressful day at work, though, plus eight hours on my feet, so that's probably why.

And yes, I know, I know, eat bananas, drink water.

JFGI!

2009-12-10T08:17:59Z

ironychan has been having fun with Google autocomplete. In fact, it looked so much fun that I'm ripping off her idea with "does" plus the various letters of the alphabet! It's not stealing if you call it a meme, right?

"does a root canal hurt": From someone hoping against hope.

"does bella become a vampire": The very first suggestion; answer: not quickly enough.

"does coffee have calories": Are you that person I watch order a low-fat sugar-free decaf mocha? You do know that some day you'll have to eat something that's not composed primarily of synthetic compounds, right? And that preservatives don't actually make you live longer?

"does demi lovato cut herself": Why is this the number one suggestion? How come when I play this game, it's less funny and more faith-in-humanity-destroying?

"does extense make you bigger": And several variations thereof; also, two inquiries about eHarmony; the Internet's priorities in a nutshell.

"does fedex deliver on columbus day": Only if you're white.

"does god exist": Next time on JFG Your Existential Questions, find out whether life has meaning.

"does hpv go away": :(

"does ibuprofen contain aspirin": Also, do grapes contain apple juice?

"does justin bieber have a girlfriend": He's actually waiting for you to ask him. I suggest you sneak into his bedroom to do so.

"does kohls drug test": Maybe the people who asked "does kristen stewart do drugs" would know?

"does lightning come from the ground": Because I didn't think you people needed to know how many people search for "does lady gaga have a willy".

"does miley cyrus have a tattoo": I think that's actually just her face.

"does naruto become hokage": Gesundheit!

"does obama smoke weed": Only because he hates America so much.

"does precum contain sperm": Yeah, condoms are a bitch, aren't they?

"does quick fix synthetic urine work": Try Kohls.

"does rogaine work": Maybe, but it's really not worth the mocking when the guys at the office find out.

"does size matter": Because Google is really going to give you a different answer to that question than every other aspect of our culture? (By the way, the Greeks thought that little penises were the prettiest, so build yourself a time machine and you'll be golden.)

"does the moon rotate": . . . okay, it's been a while since the Internet has said something so stupid, I couldn't even be snarky about it.

Every single suggestion for U was about UPS, except one about USPS. Boring. Next!

"does vodka have calories": Don't worry, it's clear! Clear stuff is basically like water, right?

"does weed kill brain cells": Only the bad ones. It's like weeding your garden. You weren't using those brain cells anyway.

"does xanax get you high": Just get some weed, dude. Ask Obama--he can probably hook you up.

"does your period stop in water": I've always kind of wondered why people think this. Do they think their vaginas have ESP? (Apparently there is a little bit of support for the phenomenon, but the whole myth still freaks me out a little.)

Nine out of ten results for Z were about prescription drugs. Because that's the only thing that gets to begin with Z in our culture.

I forgot about Colorado winters!

2009-12-10T06:43:33Z

It is COLD in Colorado right now! I kind of forgot what Colorado winters are like after all those Virginia winters. Also, before college, I was homeschooled for seven years, which meant I was free to pretty much spend the entire winter inside with a book or my computer. So, I was like, "Hey, winter's not so bad!" Sure, it's not, if you spend the whole thing indoors!

But now . . . I have a job. And a car. And winter? Winter makes everything more complicated. Winter driving? God, winter driving sucks. It's not just having to scrape ice off my windshield BOTH before AND after work, or waiting for the rear defrost to kick in. It's also taking detours because that road I usually take is icy, and my little Corolla can barely handle the hill when it's dry, so I'd better find another way around.

It snowed a bunch yesterday. It's still on the ground everywhere--cold as it is, I don't see it melting any time soon. The roads are still icy. So you know what, mizujada, and all you other snow lovers from states with mild winters? You can suck it. Personally, I don't like feeling like I'm living inside somebody's freezer. I don't like having to watch my footing everywhere I step so I don't break my neck. I don't like having to knock snow off of my shoes every time I step in a door or get into my car. And I really don't like how hard it is to drive with it all piled up along the roads and icing up parking lots and scraping the undercarriage of my car.

It is pretty, though. I will grant that. A winter day with snow on the ground is much less depressing to look at than a winter day with no snow on the ground. At least, until you realize you have to go out in it.

And I don't even live in a cold part of the state! For Colorado, my county has very mild winters! That's one of the reasons I like it here.

I mean, I'm a knitter--I like having winter, because without it, I couldn't wear almost anything I knit. I get a sincere satisfaction from pulling on something I made and knowing I can count on it to keep me warm. I even like a nice brisk cold once in a while. I'm not tired of winter yet by any means. (But, by the end of January, you can be damn sure I will be. It's not that I mind the cold so much, but as I've indicated, winter is just a HASSLE.)

In less ranty news, I just got my work schedule, and discovered I don't have to work on Christmas! I am so excited! I have to work on Christmas Eve, but it's a short shift. I'm a little annoyed at Walmart, because I'm part-time, but they keep scheduling for a bunch of 4.5 hour shifts, which means I still only get two days off a week (and one of those days is the day I work my other job), and half the time even those aren't consecutive. But, right now, I'm just excited about getting to spend Christmas at home with my family.

How Walmart becomes a vector for disease

2009-12-06T01:56:48Z

With the whole H1N1 drama, Walmart's absence policy has come under some criticism. Since I'm sick right now, I think I'm going to talk about it. I feel like a lot of the anti-Walmart movements on the Internet come off as alarmist, and criticize the wrong sorts of things, leaving themselves open to attack. So, here's how I see it.

Walmart's absence policy is a little complex, so bear with me while I break it down. Employees get three absence "occurrences" in a rolling six month period. An "occurrence" can be up to three consecutive days off, if they're for the same reason. What Walmart doesn't advertise (my supervisor had to tell me) is that if those three days fall over a break in the work week (the Walmart week ends on Friday and begins on Saturday), it counts as two occurrences.

So, if I called in on Sunday and Monday, that would be one occurrence, but if I called in on Friday and Saturday, it would be two. Remember, I only get three in a rolling six month period--by having the misfortune to fall ill on a Friday, I've just used two of those three. (As a matter of fact, I did get sick yesterday, a Friday, and went to work anyway for that very reason.)

And it's a rolling six month period. That means that the three months I've already worked without a single absence doesn't mean anything to Walmart; my six months begins today. I could work without an absence for a year, it wouldn't matter--the six months begins the day of the first absence.

After those three "occurrences", any absence bumps you onto Walmart's "coaching" circuit. It has two levels--verbal coaching, and written coaching. If you manage to work through those, you get to a "decision day", which basically puts you on probation while Walmart decides whether or not to fire you. And you can get coached for a lot more things than just absences. (My former supervisor got coached for swearing.) It doesn't matter what you're being coached for--you're still on the road to a decision day.

I've had two higher-ups at my store tell me that Walmart's absence policy is extremely lenient--after all, assuming you haven't been in trouble for anything else, you can miss up to seven days before they fire you! I can't speak for other retail companies--I don't imagine Target is much better, for example--but I can say that there's a lot about this policy that strikes me as arbitrary and unfair. (Why should Friday/Saturday count as two absences if Saturday/Sunday only counts as one? It's not like we get a day off at the end of the week!)

And of course, all of these days are unpaid. That's one bit of criticism I don't quite understand--the very nature of hourly work is that you don't get paid for hours you don't work. I honestly don't expect Walmart to pay me if I'm not working.

But, that doesn't mean it's not devastating for me to lose a couple day's work. I make just under $69 for a day's work (8-hour shift). To give you some scale, I've budgeted $50 a week for groceries, and I pay around $200 a month in rent. I am barely making enough to maintain this (very frugal!) lifestyle (and still save a little money) if I work every day I'm scheduled. If I start missing days, I start having to cut things . . . I can't even imagine how someone with a family does it.

Which is why, although it's pretty tempting to go ahead and call in to work again tomorrow, since it won't count against me, I probably will go to work anyway. Because December is going to be a bad month, bill-wise (doctor bills stacking up against student loans coming due), and I need all the money I can get. Besides, I get paid a dollar extra when I work on Sundays.

But, all of this is why I would recommend washing your hands thoroughly next time you leave a Walmart. Or, better yet, don't shop there at all.

(I'm sort of waiting to see how long I can keep being candid on the Internet before I get in trouble with Walmart. It's a fun game!)

"Majority" does not equal "morality"

2009-12-02T23:17:58Z

I wonder why people don't talk more about the fact that democracy is deeply flawed. I mean, if you think about it, getting the majority opinion of a population on a certain issue isn't exactly the most fair or reasonable way to make a decision.

Recently, my town voted on whether or not to construct a truck route to reduce traffic on our Main Street and also provide an alternate route for emergency vehicles. The truck route passed by 71%. That's a very large majority, to be sure. But that still means that 29% of the people in the town did not want the truck route to be constructed.

Some of those 'no' votes certainly came from the handful of business owners whose access to their businesses would be blocked the construction--yes, the city intends to provide alternate access, but the construction can't help but damage their business. Maybe some of them were from people concerned that a truck route (the city is quite opposed to use of the term 'bypass') would reduce business on Main Street by lowering the amount of people passing through. (For such a small town in a place with such a bad economy, our Main Street is doing surprisingly well at the moment.)

There are a lot of good arguments in favor of the truck route--it'll make Main St. safer for pedestrians and drivers, it'll give emergency vehicles a way to get across the railroad tracks to the north end of town even when there's a train, etc. etc. etc. I personally think that in the long run, even with inconveniences, it's best for the city. But my point is, even with the large majority in favor, there's still a minority here that was opposed and will likely suffer somewhat as a result of the decision.

And that was a relatively straightforward decision. With more complex issues, it becomes even more complicated.

I'm sure you've all heard how the New York state senate just voted against legislation that would make gay marriage legal in the state of New York. The article I link there quotes Maggie Gallagher from the National Organization for Marriage (you may remember them for their unintentionally hilarious commercial--inexplicably, still online even with all the mockery), saying: "What you saw was the will of the people .... The culture really hasn't shifted on gay marriage."

Here's the problem: Regardless of NOM's fear-mongering, the fact of the matter is that the only people affected by legislation regarding gay marriage are gay people.

I know that's not an uncontested point. I've had the argument before, more than once, and every time, what it essentially boils down to is that gay marriage hurts people with traditional values because, to them, it would indicate that their version of morality is no longer backed by legislation--which might, conceivably, open the door to the suggestion that it's not an unalterable moral imperative.

But, the problem is, and I cannot emphasize this enough, it is not the job of government to legislate morality. The government's job is to provide an organizational structure that will protect its citizens and allow them to meet their basic needs. (I wouldn't even suggest it's the government's job to meet those needs--just to create an environment in which those needs can be met.)

Because, the thing is, you can't have it both ways. You can say, "Morality derives from the will of the majority," in which case, you need to be willing to suck it up if the majority, say, decides that it's okay to kill anyone over age 70, or decides we'd be safer if you didn't have a gun. Or, you can say, "Morality is governed by universal laws that aren't subject to the whims of humanity," in which case you lose the right to claim, as Maggie Gallagher does, that your version of morality is supported by "the will of the people" or the cultural climate.

I believe that most people, especially conservatives, would claim to agree that morality is something that holds true regardless of a majority vote or cultural climate. Majority opinion 100 years ago was that women shouldn't vote, and it was completely acceptable to expect a black person to use a separate (and inferior) bathroom. Majority opinion in many countries today suggests that women should not be allowed to be educated. Majority opinion, in short, is worthless for determining what is actually right.

Knitter and blogger Stephanie Pearl-McPhee said it well on Twitter this afternoon (and, in fact, prompted me to write this post): "Dear NY Senate, It is not kind nor fair to allow a majority to make the rules for a minority. All people. All rights."

I hate that the battle for gay rights has to be fought in senate halls and courtrooms at all. It's ridiculous that civil rights groups have to be on the offense in a fight for nothing more than equality. These are issues that shouldn't be legislated at all, and they are certainly not issues that the majority is qualified to vote on. I hate that people who claim to defend 'freedom' want it to be clear that they're only defending freedom as they define it--and their definition says, "My freedom depends on restricting your freedom."

Freedom has to be universal in order for it to be freedom. Gay marriage does not take any freedom away from straight couples, or from the institution of marriage itself* (certainly it can't damage it anymore than our 50% divorce rate does). And for the love of God, just because more than 50% of people who voted think something does not make it RIGHT.

*Caveat: I do think that it should be the decision of a church to decide whether or not to solemnize a marriage as a sacrament--churches are independent organizations, and they should also definitely not be legislated--that would be hypocritical.

NaNoWriMo

2009-11-30T07:31:30Z

I DID IT!

I wrote 3000 words today, and also finished most of a bottle of wine (beautiful, beautiful wine). And it's not even LATE yet.

I remember, in 2003, when I hit 50k, I was SO PSYCHED, had to take a brisk walk up the hill (wearing the very same sweater I'm wearing at the moment, now that I think of it -- weird). But then in 2004, even though I made it to 50k in time, I felt very "eh" about the whole thing. Like, eh, that's over, and eh, my ending sucks, and eh, whatever. (This is probably a byproduct of the fact that I was very much a Disillusioned Teen at that point.)

This year, instead of forcing out a terrible ending, I just kept writing until I hit 50k and stopped, mid-scene. I mean, I know I need to revamp the entire book anyway, so why bother finishing the ending? I got TO the ending, anyway, so it's not like it's a mystery.

And, I'm pretty damn happy with myself. So, I'm gonna finish this bottle of wine, and watch Lost on Netflix, and knit, and sit here being proud of myself, trying not to think about what an enormous piece of absolute shit I just produced.

NaNo: the home stretch; exhaustion

2009-11-28T19:49:57Z

So, here I am. Three days of NaNo left. More like two, actually--I work until 11pm on the 30th, so it would be a REALLY good idea to have the novel done before I leave for work that day. (For some reason, validating my wordcount on the website and getting the associated goodies is actually something that matters to me, even though I think it shouldn't.)

And I'm on track. I broke 45k yesterday, and now I just need to keep going and get that last 10% of the novel out. I don't expect I will actually get to the end of the story, but it kind of doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter, because I realized somewhere around the 30k mark that the story I've been writing all month is only one thread out of at least three and possibly four that make up this story as a whole. In fact, I suspect almost everything I wrote this month will get thrown out as I figure out which scenes require different PoV characters, etc. etc. etc.

Oddly enough, I don't feel bad about this, even though I've worked my butt off trying to get these words written. I'm learning the shape of the story, and what it needs, and how to make it stop crying when it wakes up in the middle of the night, and which foods make it spit up, and I've got its dirty diaper schedule pretty well memorized. (Yeah, I know we use childbirth metaphors for writing a lot, but nobody ever acknowledges the dirty truth.)

So, all in all, I'm in pretty good shape! Just . . . I'm gonna whine now.

I'm tired. This month has just sort of felt like an endless barrage. Every day is hard, between trying to get the writing done, being constantly stressed out about being a tiny bit behind, and having a really hard time finding decent writing times with my work schedule being so horrible.

Between my two jobs, I don't get a lot of days off, and when I do, they're almost never together, and then Walmart has had me working nights all month, which steals my very best writing time. I'm not good with mornings. I can get up, but it takes me hours to get to peak performance, and if I start work at 2pm, that means that I go to Walmart almost exactly when I would want to start writing, and don't get back until 11pm, which is right when I'd prefer to be winding down. I've done a little morning writing, out of necessity, but it's not easy and I don't like it.

It's not that it's hard to work and write on the same day (let's face it, my job doesn't exactly drain my creative potential). It's just hard when the work schedule steals my evenings and weekends away from me. God, I miss evenings. And Fridays. I really miss Fridays.

And then . . . I push through the day, with my job and the writing, and I go to bed, and before I know it, I'm awake again, and what do you know? I have another day to try to get through, and the wordcount has reset itself and no matter how well I did the day before, I'm in for another rough day. It's relentless, and it's wearing me out.

I've been really stressed out, too. Mostly over NaNo, but it's also left me stressing about little things, so I'm really crabby and basically a big grumpypants. My family must just love that. I know it's almost over. And I will succeed, because failure isn't an option in my world. But, good Lord. I'm so ready for December.

But now, I have to go pack a lunch, and go to work, and get back at 11pm and write 2,000 words before I go to bed.

Whiiiine.

And THEN . . . I shall have my revenge . . .

2009-11-22T05:36:01Z

Someday, when I'm grown and have plenty of money (hahaha), I'm going to go to a local Walmart store and pick some really obscure item and buy their entire stock (like coconut milk, or canned artichoke hearts, or something) (probably over a couple days so they don't try to stop me), and keep doing that for several weeks, so they're all like, "Geez, why can't we keep this in stock?"

And when their computer system finally decides to start sending them more to meet with demand . . . I'll stop. And then they'll be like, "Oh geez, what do we do with all these obscure items?"

Yes, my money will be going to Walmart, but it will SO be worth it for the hassle and consternation. And then my revenge will be complete. *puts fingertips together and cackles*

NaNo update!

2009-11-18T07:54:52Z

Not only did I get to 25k the other night, but I finished the next day slightly ahead, and today I've built up my lead so that I'm only about 500 words behind tomorrow's wordcount goal, with a wordcount of 29,537. It would actually not have been very hard to get that last 500 and get to 30k tonight, which would be pretty cool, but I'm very tired, and I think that being SO CLOSE will give me more motivation to write tomorrow before work (which is something I find difficult, on the days I work 2-11.)

I am so proud of myself for not wasting these three days I haven't been at Walmart. (I had two days totally off, and then today I worked for the newspaper, which is barely work at all. Except for the getting up at 7am part.) Basically, I'm awesome!

. . . well, not that awesome. Because, oh God, my novel is bad. It's bad, bad, bad . . . not fit for fertilizer. I'm really glad it's getting written, but God, I'm going to have some serious excavation to do to pull the very few diamonds out of this pile of stinking shit, once November is over. (I recently compared November to a month-long bowel movement. Which is a disgusting metaphor, but isn't it true, you guys?)

Now, I have to try to get myself to go outside and look at the meteors. I know if I do it, I won't regret it, but it's COLD outside, and not particularly warm in the house, so I'm worried that if I go out there, I won't be able to warm back up before bed.

Ah well. Suck it up, Emma!

NaNo: the push to 25k; PoV issues

2009-11-16T03:49:11Z

Spent my day hanging out on a sheep farm! There was much knitting, and wool talk, and some sheep wrangling. (I held the clipboard to record which sheep were getting sent to slaughter. It was a little bit sobering, but I am determined to not to be a meat eater unless I'm willing to look my dinner in the face first, so . . . yeah.)

And now, it is time for NaNo! I'm hoping to hit 25k today, since it's the halfway point, and I feel like if I can reach the halfway point on time, I can reach the end on time. And I'm at the point in the story where we get the big scene that is the transition between the first and second halves of the story, which should be full of drama and hopefully easy to write.

The only pitfall I can see is that suddenly we're moving into a part of the story where the nine-year-old who's been my point of view character so far will not likely be present for many of the scenes I want to write. (I can use "In Space" to fudge a lot of stuff about this story, but I'm pretty sure that even In Space, children aren't generally present when their custody, for example, is being discussed.)

But, I also don't really want to abandon her as my PoV character, because . . . I mean, it's been pretty much 25,000 words, and that's an awfully long time to go before suddenly breaking PoV. Especially since there's no other character I'd want to commit to for the second 25k; the nine-year-old does need to come back for it. If I didn't need her later, I could see dividing the book into two parts and having a different PoV character for each.

As it is, I will just have to be creative about what I show and don't show. Fortunately, she is a pretty nosy nine-year-old. I already have her overhearing conversations and spying on things. I suppose she will continue that way. It is freaking hard to have a child as your main character, guys! Orson Scott Card got away with it in Ender's Game by making an entire society full of autonomous children, but if you're working in a world that's full of adults, there's not a lot kids can do. But my girl is determined to do it anyway.

I suspect that this is exactly the sort of thing you're not supposed to worry about during NaNo, but if I don't feel good about the story, then I don't enjoy writing it, so I need to make sure I'm comfortable enough with the format (if not the content) that I still feel it's worth carrying on.

Ways that life is good

2009-11-13T20:34:05Z

I sort of love my life right now. I mean, there are parts of it that really suck, but there are also a lot of parts that are really fantastic and irreplaceable. And several of them are things that are completely unique to this particular place and time--I couldn't get them anywhere else. To wit:

A) The Doghouse Espresso, the little coffee shop on Main Street, is pretty much my favorite place in the world these days. I'm so comfortable here, and my brother makes me amazing coffee, and it's just such an unmitigated pleasure to spend my free time here.

B) My brother, period. We're living together for the first time in about five years, and it's been so wonderful developing a relationship with him now that we're both sort of adults. Honestly, it would be pretty miserable living where I do if he wasn't there. We share enough interests to be able to spend quality time together, and we're different enough that we challenge each other--it's basically exactly what you'd look for in a friend. Joe's introduced me to espresso--like, how to really appreciate good espresso, and also to good beer, and also to good music. Meanwhile, I've been lending him pretty much my entire Neil Gaiman collection and am getting him started on Diana Wynne Jones soon.

C) Beer! We have a local brewery that focuses on high quality, small batch beer that is pretty much earthshaking. I don't get up there as often as I like, but my brother does, and often brings some home to share.

D) My current Internet community. I was worried for a little while after I graduated from college that after spending so much time sort of disconnected from everything except LiveJournal, I wouldn't have much an Internet community to turn to after I was away from college. But it turns out, I'm surrounded by a rich, beautiful community of people I like, who entertain and support me. Twitter has been a huge help in that; I feel like I'm having little miniature conversations with people all day long.

E) NaNoWriMo. We're far enough into November now that NaNo has become a way of life--if I'm not working, I'm either writing, or (more likely) feeling guilty about not writing. Either way, I'm thinking about it constantly, plotting about how to find writing time (and motivation). My novel is complete tripe, but, well, at least it's getting written. (Although I'm quite behind. Sigh.)

Catchy and cheesy Youtube pop music for charity? HELLS YEAH.

2009-11-11T09:08:00Z

So, there are REALLY AWESOME THINGS happening on Youtube right now. And I don't mean the giant squids of anger who're always being stupid in the comments. Because, if you didn't know about it, there is a blossoming community of highly talented young musicians on Youtube! (As a matter of fact, I have been novelling to this guy's album and also his other Timelord Rock project, and it is AWESOME.)

But that's not what I wanna talk about right now. I want to talk about Chartjackers! Basically, a bunch of guys in the UK produced a single, gave it to Children in Need so that absolutely 100% of the proceeds go to the charity, and now they're trying to get it into the UK charts. Just to see if they can, and and to raise money for charity.

The best part? It is a really catchy song. Check it out:

You guys, I bought this song in the library about ten hours ago, and it is already at the top of my "25 Most Played" list in iTunes. (Granted, that probably says more about my obsessive tendencies than anything else, but hey. Also, this is a pretty new computer, so I haven't racked up lots of plays. STILL.)

Now, the thing is, if you're not in the UK, you can't help them get into the charts. But all of the money will still go to Children in Need, and you get a great song!

And I know that at least one of you actually is in the UK! thirteenthend, I know I don't know you super well, but, hey, if you wanted to pop over into iTunes and buy the song, you could be part of the extreme awesomeness that the Internet is generating!

And of course, you should all tell your friends! This is our Internet now, and we can actually make good things happen with viral videos. How freaking awesome is that?

Pwnage!

2009-11-10T18:30:26Z

I'm gonna brag, guys--I totally pwned at NaNo yesterday. I woke up early and dragged my computer over into bed with me and wrote 1000 words before I'd even stepped out of bed. Wrote another 800 works between visiting the coffee shop and my lunch break at Walmart. (I'm especially proud of successfully writing about 500 words during my Walmart shift.)

I also found time to run a Peace Corps-related errand in there. And I worked until 11:30. And when I got home, our Internet wasn't working (I suspect it still isn't), so I couldn't get on and brag! Very sad.

The problem is, I have to do the same thing today. Also, I am still behind, if you're figuring things at 1667 words a day--but my spreadsheet tells me that if I write 1722 words a day, I'll be fine. And I'll give it another big push on my next day off, which is Thursday. This month is anything but a sure thing, since I'm all over the place, productivity-wise, but I'm basically too damn stubborn NOT to win.

Now my lunch break is ending. Time to get back to the proofreading!

NaNo! YAY!

2009-11-05T06:59:40Z

I'm doing NaNoWriMo again! I missed it a lot while I was in college, so this is VERY EXCITING for me. Unfortunately, since I have Twitter now, it's led me to neglect the LJ (whereas, before Twitter, NaNo would have sparked Much Posting here). Ah well.

Anyway, I just wanted to stop in pat myself on the back for everything I did today. I got out of bed by 9, and I had a marathon and wrote 1000 words in an hour, which at least twice as fast as I normally write, and then I hurried down to Montrose, got a polio vaccination, and ran three other errands all in time to show up at work by 2pm. Also, I wrote a couple hundred words on my lunch break.

So, my wordcount is behind, but I don't really feel bad. It was a full day. Trouble is, tomorrow I have to get up do it again--I need to get 2000 words at least before I go to work at 2. I think I will sleep now!

Snow (blech)

2009-10-29T06:01:34Z

Today was snow!

I have never understood why people get excited about snow. Really. It's pretty, yeah, so if you get to stay inside all day, it can be kind of nice, but if you have to go anywhere it's a royal pain.

Despite living in Colorado my entire life, I've never driven in snow before. I almost didn't get out of the driveway, because the snow was at least seven inches deep, and more where the plow had piled it up, and my dear little Corolla couldn't handle it. Much wheel-spinning But I had learned from getting stuck in the sand at Lake Powell (the experience had a use, mizujada!) and backed the car up a good way and then picked up a little speed, and prayed no one was coming up the road, and made it out.

And on the way home, the roads were dry and the most dangerous thing I saw was a bunch of deer. And that was really good, because one of my coworkers had said that it was whiteout conditions up here, and that scared me. (The weather changes pretty quickly around here, though.)

The weird thing about this part of Colorado (especially this time of year), is that it'll snow, but the temperature won't stay down quite below freezing, so it'll snow, then melt, then snow, then melt, which makes everything very soggy and icy. (Now that I think of it, Virginia was the same way. Maybe it's just a temperate climate thing.) The icy-ness is dangerous, and the soggy-ness is just gross. Maybe that's why I don't like snow?

Well, that, and I don't ski.

(I know. What kind of Coloradan am I?)

Housesitting

2009-10-21T16:03:30Z

So, I found out this morning that I need to go do some emergency housesitting for a friend of the family. (Her original sitter flaked out at the last minute.) So, that's starting tonight. They're trying to set me up with Internet from their Verizon card this time, but I'm not sure if it'll work out or not, so I may be a little scarce for the next . . . uh, three weeks.

Hopefully I'll get some writing done. Although, last time I went up there, I pretty much spent the whole time watching HBO. I think I'm gonna have to invoke a no-television rule from the very beginning to avoid that. After all, I need to get ready for NaNo, and what better way to do that than with limited Internet access?

Clinging to my will to live at Walmart

2009-10-18T01:45:34Z

Walmart publishes this newsletter for its employees. There are a bunch of copies in the breakroom, and the other night, I was really bored, because the book I've been reading at work (The Gangster We Are All Looking For, by lê thi diem thúy*) was boring and pretentious. And, on the cover of this particular newsletter, there was a photograph of a store manager, standing with his hands on his hips and his head held high in a field of solar panels. The article was supposed to be about Walmart and green energy, but I didn't bother opening the newsletter to read it.

Instead, I took out a ballpoint pen (all I had) and drew big feathery wings on the guy, and added the headline, "THE X-FACTOR: Mutants among us!"** I giggled, and went back to work.

Two hours later when I came back for my break, somebody had filled in my scribblings with a Sharpie, which made them look much better. They also drew over the guy's body to give him a big muscle-y chest and glowing eyes (and horns? I don't remember), and had added the headline, "We da mutants!"

I can't even tell you how happy this made me. Seriously, it was the ONE bright point of work that evening, to see that somebody else was somewhere near my own state of mind. From now on, I'm carrying a Sharpie in my purse so that I can more effectively graffiti the asinine newsletters in the break room.

I'm also sort of playing this game where I see how long I can keep talking openly about Walmart on my blogs and Twitter before I get in trouble. It's fun!***

* Who apparently is too good for capital letters in her name. And yes, I did just copy it from Wikipedia; I don't like the book well enough to figure out how to type Vietnamese diacritical marks. Even though the software I use to type in Greek can probably do it pretty easily.

** Earlier that evening, I'd been amusing myself by trying to read the French parts of a flier about pomegranates, even though I don't know French. So, this was a step up as far as entertainment went.

*** I have lots of games I play to keep myself from going crazy at Walmart. Like, I make up sordid backstories for my customers. Also, when we change watch batteries, we set them on the base of the lamp at the changing station, and then drop them into the recycling box later. So, I wait until things are really slow to put the batteries away, and then I have to recite a line of poetry for every battery I drop into the box. (It was going to be a line of Shakespeare, but I didn't like being limited to just one poet.) Also, when things are REALLY slow, I play the alphabet game. I have to find every letter in the alphabet consecutively on signs without moving around. ("Quartz" really saves my butt in this game. Also, "Timex".)

. . . yeah, basically, it's only been a month and my job is already destroying my will to live. It's gonna be a long couple of months.

I really don't like myself some days.

2009-10-09T05:40:47Z

I was going to come home and tell you guys a story about the old man from Texas I helped this afternoon, and how he wanted a small watch but his wife told him that when he wears women's watches he looks "like a homosexual", and how he also told me that he doesn't want to wear a gold band because he "sweats like a negro". And about how it's funny, because he was very clearly the sort of person who has a strong set of values--for example, I could tell he'd never have dreamed of swearing in front of me, since I'm a lady, even if he would casually drop the phrase "sweat like a negro". And about how weird it is to encounter someone whose value system is so jarringly different than mine.

I was going to, but the last hour or so at work was incredibly stressful. I had a customer who had to wait on me for the LONGEST time because first I couldn't quite help her right, so she's going to have to come back so somebody else can sort out the mess, and second, it took me FOREVER to finish taking a link out of the band of her watch (which she only bought because of the first thing I couldn't fix), and she had people waiting; and that took so long that I couldn't finish the other major project I was supposed to get done this evening, and I'm a little worried my supervisor will think I slacked off (which I didn't!), and I still had to rush to clock out in time (you get in trouble if you go over your time), and by the time I left the store, I was a big bundle of stress and run-on sentences.

Also, I yelled at my mom earlier (in public) because she said she'd go pick up my Peace Corps paperwork at my doctors for me, and didn't because she thought they wouldn't let her (because she didn't know I'd called them). Came home to find the paperwork on my desk because she went back to get it--which is a pretty significant inconvenience for her. Only, she couldn't have known but the office didn't give her the most important form, so I'm going to have to go back and get it anyway, which drives home the point that I should have just gone myself, and makes me feel like even more of a cad.

. . . so, basically, I'm ending the day feeling like a pretty horrible person. It's a terrible way to be going to bed.

Lack of Attentiveness: Why American food sucks so much

2009-10-07T03:43:56Z

When I was in Vietnam two summers ago, I kicked around a little with this Chinese girl who was dating somebody else in our group. We sort of shared the experience of being the only non-Vietnamese people in the group (though apart from that, our experience couldn't have been much different). Anyway, at one point, she confided in me that she really missed Chinese food. "You must miss American food to," she said.

And I said, "No, not really. American food kind of sucks."

And I'm sorry, but it's true. I just stumbled across this fascinating photo essay from MSN about what families around the world consume in a week (thanks, sparrow1029!), and it really drove the point home for me. I've been meaning to make a post about food all summer, so I guess this is my chance.

America--especially suburban, and, to a lesser extent, small-town, America--is a convenience culture. The American family in that slideshow is one of the most depressing things I've ever seen. 90% of the food in it is prepackaged, convenience food. Even the applesauce is packaged in individual cups. We're looking at the Hamburger Helper brand of cooking--empty the box into a pan (or straight into the microwave) and walk away.

When I rant about this, my mom is quick to point out that if both parents are working all day--a necessity for many families in the U.S.--nobody has time to cook real food, from scratch. But . . . I'm still not convinced. With a little planning, and more importantly, a little knowledge, even working people can cook.

Ever since I got home from college, I've been working on an aggressive campaign to start making things from scratch. I started with noodles for chicken noodle soup, then bread (that no-knead stuff that's been going around; easy enough to work into a busy schedule if you time it right). Slowly, we've been weeding out expensive stir-fry and spaghetti sauces, replacing them with homemade versions that taste better. I finally went straight for two of the holdouts of prepackaged food in our house--refried beans and flour tortillas.

Now, granted, my refried bean process requires attention on three separate days (soaking, slow-cooking, and finishing), but the actual time spent in the kitchen is only around thirty minutes, thanks to the wonder of crock pots. The tortillas are sort of labor-intensive, but they are a) much better-tasting than the ones from the store, and b) cost literally a fraction of what store-bought tortillas do. (Tortillas around here run about $3 for twelve. I can make 16 for about 75 cents, not counting the energy to cook them.)

Around here, cost is the primary factor that's making me press the from-scratch style of cooking. But the benefits go far beyond that. Cooking things myself allows me to control the amounts of fat and sodium that go into my food. Sodium is an especially important one--prepackaged foods are lousy with it, and it's really so simple to make delicious foods with entirely reasonable amounts of salt. Canned soup is an especially bad offender, and soup is so easy to make! Ditto for broths--I routinely make chicken broth, and I save all my veggie scraps to put together a delicious vegetable broth, which I use in soups and whatnot--all much lower sodium than what you'd get in a can. (As a bonus, the veggie broth is essentially free!)

(Digression! One other thing about our diet, which isn't so much tied to the from-scratch ethic as it is to the "living below the poverty line" ethic is that our meals are very heavy on dried beans and rice. Dried pinto beans, for example, are pretty much the cheapest form of protein you'll come across. I picked up a 25 lb. bag of pintos at Safeway for $14--and that's without going to any sort of bulk food supplier! In addition to protein, beans are also packed with fiber and vitamins, and can be cooked in a bazillion different ways. This summer, I was heavy on vegetarian curries and chilis, but as winter approaches, I'm moving more towards refried beans and casseroles with green chili sauces that contain more animal fat--which I process myself by cooking whole chickens and making broth from the carcass, rather than buying bags of breasts. If you HAVE to eat meat, at least use every bit of it.)

The other thing that depresses me so much about the American food photo is the appalling shortage of fresh foods in the photo. I see one little bag of grapes, and a few tomatoes, and a couple bags of salad greens. (Yes, even our GREENS are prepackaged!) Compare that to the photos from India, Mexico, and Turkey, which are just packed with fresh fruits and veggies. I mean, even the U.K., birthplace of toad in the hole, for God's sake, has more fresh food in the photo than we do! Is it any wonder we're fat? God.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you can trace almost all of the problems with America's diet back to a fundamental lack of involvement with our food. When you're cooking for yourself--especially under budget constraints--you naturally pay more attention to things like fat and sodium, because you can control them. (You may also learn, as I did, that it is possible to make dishes that are utter powerhouses of flavor without using very much fat, and often no animal products at all.) We're simultaneously busy and lazy, and between those two, we just don't pay attention to our food.

It's not easy. Sometimes, it means giving up a little bit of precious spare time; my days off turn into cooking days, and often the first thing I do when I get home from work is throw together some tortillas or set some beans to soak. But it's worth it. My family is eating healthier, for less money, and producing less waste (environmental bonus!). Win, win, win!

can you talk

2009-10-06T05:33:10Z

Thesis: Customers are assholes.

Evidence: This afternoon, I was concentrating on some inventory task, when a very fat man in one of those motorized carts whistled at me to get my attention. (This already flustered and irritated me: I am not a dog.) I asked if I could help him, and he started gesturing, making a squeezing motion with his hands, then pointing at his ears and shaking his head.

At first I assumed he couldn't speak English (he was dark enough to be Hispanic), but it gradually dawned on me that he must be deaf, and I grew steadily more flustered as I tried to understand his sign language. I even asked him if he could fingerspell, since I have sort of an understanding of the ASL alphabet. He just kept pointing at his ears and gesturing.

Finally, he mimed writing. Lightbulb! I grabbed a pad of paper and a pen and watched, very earnestly attentive, as he painstakingly began to write--veeeery sloooowly. "C a n . . . y o u . . . t a l k."

"Uh . . . yes, I can talk." He points at his ears. Maybe he needs to find hearing aid batteries? Louder--and more confused--I say, "Yes, I can talk!"

And then he bursts out laughing. "So can I! I was just kidding with ya." And he continued to ask me where he might find a ketchup squeeze bottle.

So, I ask you, Livejournal: Where does confusing and embarrassing someone who is trying to help you, and wasting her time and energy, get funny? I was humiliated, and furious, and frustrated, and when he showed up later to pay for his damn ketchup bottle, I wanted to refuse to speak to him.

He pissed me off so much, I thought it would be worth the time to write a LJ post about it before collapsing into bed after an unexpected 16 hour workday. (Not Walmart's fault, for the record.)

Find your name, and buried treasure

2009-09-30T04:15:30Z

I changed the quotes in my LJ profile. It's always weird to change my LJ profile. Every time I turn around, I realize the person it describes isn't the person I am anymore. It's very nearly to the point where I'd like to do away with it altogether, but I do like sharing a couple quotes that describe my state of mind at this point in my life. (Apparently, my state of mind post-college has a lot to do with children's books.)

I also took out a bunch of really dated interests, and added new ones. I actually really like that 'interests' feature on LJ. Interest lists make such an interesting collage of a person, you know? They're always the first thing I look at when I look at someone's LJ profile.

Anyway, there's that. LJ is a sort of weird place, these days, isn't it? You have all these big name social networking sites out there, and what with Facebook and MySpace and Twitter getting so huge, LJ has sort of fallen back into the shadows a little bit. I was talking to mizujada about it once, and we concluded it has something to do with the fact that LJ is aimed at relatively long-form posts, not the little snippets employed by Twitter and Facebook. It takes a lot more energy to write up a LJ post than to drop something in Twitter. Also, now that I have a Twitter (middlemuse, if anyone's forgotten), I feel like my LJ posts have to actually have substance, because if I just want to whine about work, or gush about some link I found, isn't that what Twitter's for?

(Oddly enough, back when I first started blogging, when I was a teenager, I used my blog as an outlet for anything I thought might be too tedious to share with my friends on instant messenger. As blogging philosophies go, this one is not a winner. Just sayin'.)

Don't you want to be like us?

2009-09-29T02:46:09Z

In honor of Banned Book Week, I'm reading The Catcher in the Rye at work this week. I wasn't forced to read it in high school the way a lot of people my age were, and now that I'm out of college, I'm sort of trying to catch up on some of the important works of fiction that I somehow missed during my formal education.

Anyway, today one of the men who works in maintenance told me that after I read it, I can go shoot somebody, because loads of assassins have been obsessed with it. "The guy who killed Kennedy was really into it, and the guy who killed Lennon was really into it, and . . ."

. . . sigh. I was hoping that by reading it in the break room, I could explain to people about Banned Book Week and the importance of avoiding censorship . . . but he was too interested in what he had to say about the association between the book and murderers to hear anything I said about censorship.

Ah well.

Actually, I guess I'm not much better. I associate The Catcher in the Rye with the Five Iron Frenzy song "Superpowers" (which has the line, "I sometimes feel like Holden Caulfield").*

* This song has even more complex associations, because a month or two ago, I was in Goodwill, and was shocked to hear it on the radio. Usually the Goodwill radio plays oldies--lots of Beach Boys and Elvis, that sort of thing. So, it was really damned weird to hear FIF in there. REALLY.

Dead tired.

2009-09-28T02:43:54Z

Last night I went to bed at 8:00, and got up at 6:00, and I was STILL exhausted. Family drama REALLY takes it out of you. I hope I feel better rested tomorrow, but if I don't, at least I know it's my last Walmart day until Thursday.

I'm going to try drinking green tea at work tomorrow instead of coffee. We'll see how THAT works out. Possibly it's an experiment that's not well suited to my fifth consecutive day of work, but, eh.

Work!

2009-09-20T04:04:34Z

Walmart finally has me working again. This is good, because I need the money very badly, and because I was kind of getting bored and crabby sitting at home with nothing do do*. This is bad, because . . . well, when was the last time YOU spent eight hours inside a Walmart?

It's led to a strange realization, though: even though I traditionally hate getting up early, I would much rather work the 7-4 opening shift than the 2-11 closing shift. Sure, I have to get up at six in the morning, but I get home by dinner time and I can spend the evening doing whatever I want. If I started work at 2, I wouldn't really be able to relax the same way. There would certainly be less wine involved.

* My definition of 'nothing' includes: learning how to sew; failing TWICE at making meringues; cooking shitloads of meals, including the world's best refried beans and some homemade tortillas; plus the usual knitting, spinning, and reading. I do not do 'idle' very well.